Have you ever gone through a chunk of your life where things
are just sort of crummy for a while? That describes large periods of my life
over the last five years or so. Things could have been worse, for sure, and I
tried to keep my humor throughout everything, but that doesn’t change the fact
that life was stressful for a while.
Since moving to California, however, things have been pretty
awesome. My husband is happy. I’m happy. Our animals are happy. We like our new
apartment. We like our new city. My husband likes his job. All in all, things
are great and it’s . . . weird.
It can be difficult to accept being happy, can’t it? It’s
funny, in a sick kind of way. I really enjoy being this happy, but a part of me
feels like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. “Things can’t always be this
good, can they?” My traitorous brain asks. “When is the next bad thing going to
happen?” Obviously, I don’t want to think like that. I’m doing my best to drown
out that negative voice and to accept being happy. It’s a work in progress.
In the meantime, things are going well. In March we saw
visits from two different sets of friends. We also got to spend time with my
husband’s family, which was part of the point of moving to California. So all
of that was fun.
I never heard back definitively about that city job I
interviewed for, but it’s safe to assume at this point that I didn’t get it.
After the rather strange interview, I feel okay about that. The husband and I
recently had a conversation about my job situation. We ultimately agreed that I
should focus on writing/publishing and not worry about getting a traditional
job. This was mostly his idea. I feel a little weird about not contributing
financially to the family (for now), but I’m happy to have the opportunity to
try to make something out of my writing.
After a pep talk from a friend, there has been movement not
only in my writing but in the publishing aspect as well. I don’t have anything
to report on that yet but hope to in my monthly wrap-up for April.
In March I also did more social stuff, which continues to go
well. I’ve already met one person who has started to become a friend and there
are others who I could see becoming friends eventually as well. The funny thing
is, I still feel absolutely no pressure in this area of my life. I haven’t been
feeling lonely or bored or depressed. I’ve just been enjoying the social
interaction I’ve been getting and that feels like enough for now.
In a nutshell, I'm saying that everything is currently coming up roses. If you're stopping by to read, why don't you tell me how March 2014 went for you?
3 comments:
I hope to visit you soon. I have so many trips to make - to see my parents in VA (and specifically my grandmother, whose health is really ailing lately), but you're so (relatively) close, it seems I should be able to pop down even for a weekend visit. I'm glad you're happy and that Cali is being to you and the hubby. Love you!
-h
I'm glad things are happy. And I can relate to the "weird to be happy" part. For myself it manifests itself in the amounts of free time in my life. I feel guilty a lot, because I have time to read and watch movies and write. It's not like I don't have to work, but that 32 hour week plus many paid vacations does make me somewhat of a wealthy person, if not monetarily, at least in free time. But I have to work hard not to feel guilty about my free time. Like I don't want children, but if I had one, there would go all my free time. :-) And then I would fit in with everyone else. It's very strange. I have a sneaking suspicion that something about human nature doesn't really want others to be happy. But I'm not sure.
Anyway, I'm glad you are writing!
My March was spent (mostly) in a grumpy funk because I wanted to go to someplace warm for Spring Break but am also trying to be true to my budget, so I had no money to go out of town. But my in-town vacation was very pleasant and I came back to work happy and refreshed. So that was good.
H - Love you too! I probably shouldn't say anything because it's still very up-in-the-air, but there's a chance that we (or I) may be in the PNW in August. We'll see! :)
P - I have this theory that it's a very American thing to be uncomfortable with being happy. I'm not saying that it's exclusively American but I do suspect that it's part of our national psyche, to always be expecting/wanting more. It's yet another topic for a potential future essay.
Glad you enjoyed your Spring Break, even if you couldn't go out of town!
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