Saturday, October 18, 2008

Golf and Letting Go

We went to the LPGA tournament out at Kapalua Resort today.  It's not something I normally would have been into, but Hubby got the tickets free from work, and I thought it might be interesting to do something new and different.

We decided to take the "back road" there, which goes around the NW corner of the island.  It's a very narrow road - one lane in some places - winding, and barely paved for part of the way.  I love the roads like this that you find here.  The views of the ocean were stunning.  I'm in awe of and perplexed by the people that live out there in these huge homes, totally isolated from other people.  I wonder why they seek such solitude?

One of the things I like about Maui is how it incorporates all these different climates on this one small island.  You have the very jungle-like climate (what I think most people imagine Hawaii to be like), and you have places that are more like the rain forests of the Pacific NW.  There's the beach climate, and areas that are more desert-y.  We discovered a new one today out on that road.  I don't even know what to call it, but I've seen it in pictures.  It was like this mountainous farmland.  Just beautiful.

The tournament itself was actually pretty fun.  I don't know much about golf and typically find it boring.  But I think all sports are better live.  We got to see some of the famous golfers - Annika Sorenstam, Laura Davies, Christy McNichol.  I never realized before how impressive it is, what golfers do.  They hit those balls incredibly far!  The sound was a lot louder than I'd anticipated.

I like it over there in Kapalua.  I wish we were rich so we could live there.

I've been thinking a lot today about letting go.  I've been pretty hung up on Portland and missing it.  I know that my friends back there, and what I knew as my life, are all moving on.  I can feel it happening.  I know that it's something I need to do as well.

I was reflecting on a couple of past break ups I had and how I made myself mix tapes to help me move on.  It might be time to make a "letting go" CD.  I don't know that these things actually help.  But maybe it would help me get "in the mood," so to speak.  I don't think I can fully embrace life in Hawaii until I give up life in Portland.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Island Fever

Before moving to Hawaii, I heard a lot about island fever.  People from the mainland, I was told, rarely last long.  Couple years at most, and then the island fever gets to them, and they move back.  No one ever explained to me what island fever is, though.  And now I wonder if I'm suffering from it.

I find Hawaii very....monotonous.  Everything is always the same.  It starts with the weather.  Sunny and warm every day.  You'd think that anyone would love it, but for some reason it's really getting to me.  I get up every morning, see the sun, and feel depressed.  It's probably not the sun itself.  If I woke up every morning for 3 months and it was cloudy, that would depress me too.  It's the lack of variation.

My days are the same too.  I get up and go to work.  My job is monotonous and boring.  I come home and settle in for the evening.  I watch TV, or I play around on the Internet.  Maybe I read a book.  We usually try to go out and do things on the weekend.  Sometimes we try to do things during the week.  But mostly it's the same thing, day after day.

I know that it's partly my fault.  I need to keep putting myself out there.  I need to keep finding things to do.  And I am trying.  There's just something about monotony and boredom that's very paralyzing.  As much as I want to spice up my life, there is this part of me that is working against myself, for some reason.  I'm afraid of something, although I haven't figured out what that is.

I do want to give Hawaii a fair chance.  Sometimes it feels like things will never get better.  I've always hated making new friends.  I feel like I'm not very good at it.  I know that having some friends would definitely make me feel better, though.  This week has been tough.  But I'm going to get back on the horse and try again.  It's the only thing I can do.