I find Hawaii very....monotonous. Everything is always the same. It starts with the weather. Sunny and warm every day. You'd think that anyone would love it, but for some reason it's really getting to me. I get up every morning, see the sun, and feel depressed. It's probably not the sun itself. If I woke up every morning for 3 months and it was cloudy, that would depress me too. It's the lack of variation.
My days are the same too. I get up and go to work. My job is monotonous and boring. I come home and settle in for the evening. I watch TV, or I play around on the Internet. Maybe I read a book. We usually try to go out and do things on the weekend. Sometimes we try to do things during the week. But mostly it's the same thing, day after day.
I know that it's partly my fault. I need to keep putting myself out there. I need to keep finding things to do. And I am trying. There's just something about monotony and boredom that's very paralyzing. As much as I want to spice up my life, there is this part of me that is working against myself, for some reason. I'm afraid of something, although I haven't figured out what that is.
I do want to give Hawaii a fair chance. Sometimes it feels like things will never get better. I've always hated making new friends. I feel like I'm not very good at it. I know that having some friends would definitely make me feel better, though. This week has been tough. But I'm going to get back on the horse and try again. It's the only thing I can do.