Best Picture: "Tom Jones," 1963

Movie Stats:

Released 1963 (Italy at the Venice Film Festival)

British, in English

Director – Tony Richardson

Stars – Albert Finney, Susannah York, lots of other people

Plot Summary:

When Squire Allworthy (George Devine) returns home to discover a baby in his bed, he decides to take the boy in and raise him as his own. The boy grows up to be Tom Jones (Finney), a handsome rascal who falls in love with the pure girl next door, Sophie Western (York). In theory, hilarity ensues.

It's based on an 18th century book written by Henry Fielding. I've never read the book, so I have no idea how faithful an adaptation the film is.

Bad Stuff:

Everything. Every last second. But here are the worst parts:

If Tom loves Sophie so much, then why does he bang every other woman with a pulse who’s willing (and they all seem to be willing)? It’s one thing if a couple has an “understanding,” but if the expectation is monogamy, then I think you’re a jerk to go around having sex with everyone else on the planet. I know I was supposed to see Tom as a “lovable rake,” one who couldn’t help himself, but honestly he just seemed like a gross horn dog.

The camerawork. Oh god, the camerawork. If it wasn’t shaky or jerky, it was too dark to see. Serious WTF there. (I think it was supposed to be “edgy.”)

The music. I wish I could have muted the whole soundtrack.

This movie is SO WEIRD.

Good Stuff:

Um…I’ve got nothing.

The Verdict:

I hated this movie. Yep, I even hated it more than The Greatest Show on Earth.

I know it’s supposed to be funny. There is nothing about it that’s intentionally funny. Sitting through this whole thing was painful. In fact, about 40 minutes in, my husband tried to talk me out of watching the rest of it. “Just read the synopsis online,” he said. “You’ve seen enough of it to know it sucks.” I refused on principle. But I kind of wish I had taken his advice.

My guess is that this movie was popular in its day because it was racy. Movie audiences of the early 1960s weren't used to seeing that. It was the dawn of a new era and it must have been very exciting. However, it hasn't held up well over time. It is, quite simply, bad. I can't believe it won any Oscars at all, let alone Best Picture.

I don't believe in giving no stars. Actually, I'd like to give this one negative stars, but I won't do that either. Instead, it gets the lowest score I can possibly give in my rating system: a quarter star.

That's right, I give the film .25 star.