I’ve been thinking about writing an essay series on
loneliness for a while now. Loneliness is something I’ve struggled with for as
long as I can remember. It comes and it goes. Being in a relationship and/or
having good friends has always been a buffer against it, although not a
complete one. Sometimes, in a room full of people, I feel completely alone.
Other times, I feel as though my heart could burst with joy because my life is
so incredibly full of good people.
My sense of loneliness upon moving to Dallas has been both
strong and persistent. Moving to new places and forming new friendships has
always been difficult for me. For example, I lived in Portland for more than
two years before I felt like I’d made close friends. On Maui it took over a
year. Austin was an anomaly; I felt like I made an instant group of friends
there. Perhaps that is what has made Dallas seem especially difficult. It’s
hard to accept that I have to tap into my reserves of patience and perseverance
again.
The decision to blog about it hasn’t been easy though. I’ve
never been particularly eager to put my problems on blast. I feel very stoic
about it all, if you will. I don’t want to trouble
anyone, for goodness’ sake. I don’t want to be anyone’s burden.
But then I thought that maybe talking about it isn’t really
about me in the end. Maybe it’s about giving a voice to anyone who’s ever felt
lonely. Maybe I have something to say that they’d like to hear, or that they’d
like other people to hear.
My other problem with blogging about it is one of
organization. I have so much to say. On the other hand, I’m not sure how to say
any of it, at least not in a way that’s cohesive or makes sense. So that’s why
this is going to be a series, one that has clearly-defined themes for each
piece. I believe that the themes will be as follows:
My Upbringing
Broken Friendships
Romance
My Personality
Modern American Society
Conclusions
I may add more themes as I proceed and explore. Consider
this first piece to be the introduction or, perhaps, overture (hence the title).
I’m not sure yet where this essay journey is going to take
me. Perhaps I will have an epiphany or two. Perhaps I will come up with a plan
of action to eliminate loneliness from my life. Or perhaps nothing will come of
it, or at least nothing more than a few words on a page.
Regardless, I'm taking the journey. This is your formal invitation to take it with me. Let's see where it goes together.
6 comments:
Looking forward to the series. I try not to think about feeling lonely, but maybe I need to.
I would love to read what you have to write. I've been feeling lonely too, and have always struggled with it. We should talk more often...I know you don't want to bug me, but I don't want to bug you. We're both dumb. I'd love to talk to you :-)
Thanks, ladies! I'll probably be updating this series slowly, but I will definitely be continuing it.
You have never seemed more mid-western as in this post, what with not wanting to TROUBLE us with your loneliness. :-)
I'm very much looking forward to this and have a small anticipation that I could write essays in response to your posts. For instance, I have a lot to say about my upbringing and loneliness and I haven't even read what you wrote.
No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to stop being Midwestern. :)
I'm glad you're looking forward to the series. I'm hoping to put the next part up some time this weekend.
Looking forward to the series!
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