Doing Things the Hard Way

One day last week, I went in to work at my temp job, sat down at my desk, and realized that I needed to quit. So I did.

A lot of factors went into this sudden decision. I hated the job. I’ve lost any interest I ever had in being a “desk jockey.” What I was getting paid barely made it worth it. It was degrading to my level of education. But mostly, I realized that I just wanted to focus all of my energy on being a writer. It’s what I’ve wanted to do since I was a teenager. It felt like it was well past time to actually do it.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately for two reasons:

1. My mom. She came to mind often when I was at this job. See, my mom was always one of those “I’ll do it later” types of people. The one thing she always wanted to do was travel, but she never felt secure enough financially to do so (even though she was). She became so caught up in the money that she forgot to chase her dreams.

As she lay dying, that was one of her biggest regrets, I think. At least, she certainly expressed a lot of sadness that she never did the things that she wanted to do. She never expected to be dead at 63. She thought she had time.

Thinking about her made me realize that I can’t be that person. I need to chase my dreams now, while I have the chance, because you never know when it’s going to be over. In a way, I feel like it’s a tribute to her.

2. My whole adult life, I’ve bought into that idea that you can’t make it as a writer (or any other kind of artist), that you need to have a “day job” and do your art on the side. Well, I’ve been an adult for 18 years. Slogging away at day jobs hasn’t gotten me anywhere. I still barely have any money. I have no job or financial security. I’m working low paying jobs. My education is useless. It’s frustrating and depressing.

I’ve tried to do things the way you’re supposed to do them. It hasn’t worked. So it seems like I might as well try to do them the way you’re not supposed to. It might work out. It might not. I’ll never know until I try.

I think time will tell whether this has been the smartest decision I’ve ever made or the dumbest. On the surface, it certainly doesn’t seem very smart to be quitting paid work to do unpaid work, especially when we’re not getting much income from anywhere else. But at this point, as I sit in my home office, doing the thing that I love, it certainly feels like the right decision.

2012 Goal Update

Since things have been in a bit of an upheaval this last week, I haven’t really focused on my goals except for the one about writing. I finished Chapter 19 of my main story, wrote two chapters of a romance novel that I hope to publish online by the end of the month, and began working as a writer on the video game project that the husband has been working on. Also, I finally got around to doing this blog update and am working on an idea for another blog.

As for being a better partner to myself, I did quit the job I hated and I went on a hike the weekend before this last one. So I haven’t been a total slacker.