Blue Eyes

I think that most, if not all, of the small handful of people who visit my blog are friends, and so they’re already aware of where this story comes from. But just in case a non-friend stumbles onto my blog, I wanted to give a little background to this post about my mother.

My brother took our mother to the hospital this past May 17 with what we thought was a severe kidney infection & perhaps a stroke (she had suffered a minor stroke a number of years ago and was exhibiting similar symptoms). After about a week in the hospital, they diagnosed her with terminal cancer; that they were certain of, it was already in her brain, lungs, liver, lower back, and uterus (she was also in renal failure due to the high levels of calcium in her system, which is apparently a symptom of cancer). She was given six months to a year to live. She lasted less than one month.

I live several states away, so I went to see her for what we all knew would be the final time about a week after she landed in the hospital.

One other important tidbit: I’m not sure what my mom’s job title was, but she worked at a hospital, delivering items from the supply area to different departments. The hospital she was admitted to was the same hospital that she worked in.

So that’s the important background info. I’m writing this because I’ve had a particular memory on a loop in my head now for the last week or two, and it seems to want to be written down. I’m indulging the impulse.

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On the last day of my visit, I went with my mom to her radiation appointment. Due to dialysis treatments, she was fairly lucid for the most of the time that I was visiting. Although the rest of her cancer could not be treated, she chose to try radiation for her brain tumor.

Anyway, on our way down to her treatment, we ran into a man that she knew. This happened a lot when we were out and about in the hospital.

“Is this your daughter?” The man asked her. My mom said that I was. “I thought so,” he replied. “You have the same pretty blue eyes.”

My mother and I exchanged a confused glance. When the man was finally out of earshot, I said to her, kind of laughing,

“Since when have you had blue eyes?”

The thing is, my mother didn’t have blue eyes. Her eyes were hazel. I get my eye color from my father’s side of the family. I’ve always taken after his side looks-wise, but the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve started to look like my mom – a fact of life to which most ladies out there can relate, I think. But the moment struck me as really funny, that this man could make such a huge blunder. Unless you’re color blind, you couldn’t mistake my mom’s eyes as being blue.

At any rate, Mom just kind of laughed and shook her head in answer to my question.

The moment passed. We spent a few more hours together after that. My uncle (mom’s brother) came. So did my sister-in-law with two of the grandkids. And then I had to leave.

I never spoke to my mother again.

Later that day, they moved Mom to a nursing home for the duration of her radiation treatments. After that, the plan was to move her home to live out her last days in hospice care. But she didn’t last that long; she died a little less than two weeks after entering the nursing home. Her room there didn’t have a phone and while my brother bought her a cell phone, she wouldn’t turn it on (she was frugal to a fault). So the last time I spoke to and saw my mother was really the last time.

I’m not entirely sure why the above memory keeps playing over and over in my mind. It could simply be because it was the most memorable thing that happened that last day, but I think that it’s more than that.

Mom and I had a strained but polite relationship, for a variety of reasons that I don’t care to blast out into the blogosphere. I loved my mom & I cared about her, but I’m not sure that she ever really got that. Watching her face her sudden death at the age of 63 was heart breaking, to say the least. She was scared, she was depressed, and she didn’t want to die. It’s terrible. I hate it that more people don’t get to go when they’re good & ready.

I felt like she deserved to enjoy herself as much as she could before she died. I get that dying is never fun, but I think we should all have the opportunity to laugh in the face of death. So I tried to keep the mood light while I was there, to keep her laughing, to help her forget for a moment or two that it was all going to be over soon. Now I’m not so sure if that was the right thing to do. Maybe it’s not what she wanted. I did it because I felt like it was what she needed.

Anyway, I think maybe the reason I like the memory of her co-worker’s gaffe so much is because it was completely unexpected. It wasn’t a laugh that I sought out. It just happened. I really kind of appreciate that. The last day I saw my mom alive, we got to share a chuckle. I’m glad for it.

As I sat down to write this blog, I realized that today is the two-month anniversary of her death. I like the accidental symmetry of that. The other day, I was out walking the dog & I saw a hummingbird, the only one I’ve seen in the nearly 9 months we’ve lived in Texas. Mom loved hummingbirds. I’m not saying it was a sign or anything, but it’s nice to know that the reminders are there, all around us, all the time.

Books Not Read 2.0

Here are a couple of more books that I couldn't slog my way through recently.

The Court of the Air by Stephen Hunt

A fantasy novel about two teenaged orphans on an adventure. Sounds fun, right? This book was anything but fun. In fact, at a whopping 592 pages, I'm not sure how I ever imagined I'd find the time to get through it in the first place. My general problem with a lot of fantasy novels is that they're over descriptive to the point of tedium. I had the opposite problem with this book - the author introduced many new concepts and creatures without any explanation at all of what they were, exactly, as though I was already supposed to know.

I think I made it maybe 150-200 pages in before I just got irrationally angry. Seriously, it really pissed me off that I never seemed to know what was going on ever. I'd find myself thinking, "Wait, who the hell is this character? What the F is going on?" Now, to be fair to Mr. Hunt, I was trying to read this book while my mother was dying of cancer, so I may have been funneling some unresolved feelings about that into an easy target. But who wants to read a book that makes no sense?

I see that this book has only 3.5 stars on Amazon, which doesn't surprise me. What does surprise me is how many 5-star reviews it got. Were those courtesy of the author's friends?

Prisoner of the State by Bao Pu, Renee Chiang, and Adi Ignatius

One day, maybe a year or so ago, I was passing some time at the library by reading magazines - copies of Newsweek, I believe. I happened to stumble across an article about modern-day influential books that everyone should read. This book was on the list. It is a translation of the secret journal kept by Zhao Ziyang, the former premier of China who was placed under house arrest following the Tiananmen Square massacre.

I really wanted to like this book for a lot of reasons. I love to read about China. I think it would be fascinating to see into the mind of a man who was neck deep in the leadership of the Communist Party. And this book is supposed to be very good. But I just couldn't get into it. For a secret journal, it is shockingly dry, the language painfully formal. I love non-fiction, but the language absolutely has to be readable or I can't do it.

I set it aside with regret. Maybe I could try it at a different time, but I don't really feel like it.

As an aside, so far I've read three other books from that magazine list. I absolutely loved two of them and liked the other pretty well. So I still consider it a good list!

Movie Project: 1936

The Great Ziegfeld

My movie project was stalled yet again by reluctance to watch the film in question. Again, I'm not sure where the reluctance came from; perhaps I was just daunted by the 3 hour, 5 minute running time. Or maybe I had a psychic premonition.

However, with a 2-week trip imminent, I had by husband upload the movie onto my iPad. Airplanes and airports are always boring enough to drive one to watch things one might not have otherwise gotten around to watching. ;)

When the movie started with a 5-minute long musical overture, during which there was nothing more than a card with the word "Overture" on the screen, I have to admit that my heart sank. It didn't seem to bode well. Sadly, it never got much better from there. I had a really hard time watching this movie. I almost gave up, but settled for watching it in tolerable half-hour segments every few days (although I finally made it through the last hour of the movie in one shot).

The Great Ziegfeld is the mostly true (from what I gather from wikipedia) biography of Florenz Ziegfeld, one of America's most famous Broadway producers - best remembered today for his long-running Ziegfeld Follies.

I spent most of the movie a little confused as to what made Ziegfeld so great. If the movie is to be believed, while Ziegfeld was great at making money off of popular shows, he was just as great at losing it. He seems to have relied on the kindness of friends and his connections to continue producing shows, which didn't seem particularly impressive to me. Additionally, I found the portrayal of his first wife, the French singer Anna Held, both shrill and irritating. I can only hope that she and their relationship were not like that in real life ("I hate you, leave me alone, no come back, I love you," ad nauseum. Ugh. Man, the way they portrayed romantic relationships on the big screen in the 1930s grates on my modern-day sensibilities).

Honestly, I found the first hour and a half of this movie completely insufferable. It wasn't until they finally got the Ziegfeld Follies on-screen that I understood why this movie was so popular back in its day. Basically, if you never got to see the Follies in its 24-year run on-stage, you got to see it in this movie. The production costs must have been astronomical! Personally, I was so irritated by this point that I wasn't transported, but I could see why someone would be.

There's some extra drama thrown in at the end that, best as I can tell, wasn't necessarily true to life. I won't spoil it in case you want to watch this movie. But I recommend that you find something better to do with 3 hours of your life.

Stars: William Powell, Myrna Loy, Louise Rainer

Books Not Read

Well, with my access to free books cut off, it seems like I don't have a lot to say about books anymore. I have an account on Goodreads, where I post ratings and reviews for the books I've read. Since most of the handful of people who actually read this blog are also my friends on Goodreads, I would feel like I was repeating myself to also put my book reviews on here.

I realized the other day, however, that I never put books that I don't finish on Goodreads. So I thought this might be a good place to do that. Following is a list of books that were on my "to read" list, but which I never ended up finishing & am unlikely to ever pick up again.

The World Without Us by Alan Weisman (non-fiction)

I'm pretty sure everyone's heard of this book, so it needs no explanation. I read the first chapter & really wanted to like it. I hear it's interesting. But I just couldn't get into it. I might give this one another shot at some point; it could have just been my mood at the time.

A Summer Affair by Elin Hilderbrand (fiction)

Why, oh why, did I ever put a book about a woman having an affair on my "to-read" list? People having affairs annoys me. And so did everything about this book, especially the main character. I got maybe 50 pages into it before giving up.

Somewhere Towards the End by Diana Athill (non-fiction)

A memoir by a woman in her 90s. Another book that I desperately wanted to like but couldn't get into. I could never put my finger on why. I think I wasn't particularly enamored of her writing style. I think I made it maybe 20 or 30 pages in?

The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet by Reif Larsen (fiction)

Another book that I desperately wanted to like. It's an adventure tale about a boy traveling across the country to accept a prestigious award. It was just too much. Too many diagrams and drawings and things in the margins. Too many attempts at cleverness. Too "twee." I think I read a few chapters.

Admission by Jean Hanff Korelitz (fiction)

A book about an admissions counselor at Princeton. I read maybe 3 pages. Zzzzzzz. If a book bores me in 3 pages, you know it's got to be bad.

The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane by Katherine Howe (fiction)

This was something about a PhD candidate and witches and a magic book or something. I read a few chapters. Sadly, it was very slow and boring. How can a book about witches be boring? You tell me.

Skippy Dies by Paul Murray (fiction)

I really gave this book - about a young man at a boarding school in Scotland - the old college try. I got to about page 160, at which time I flipped to the back to see how much more I had to read and saw that this book is 650 pages long! 650 pages! I'm sorry, but this isn't an epic like Lord of the Rings, so that's pretty ridiculous.

I actually did like a lot about this book. But it suffered from what a lot of modern books suffer from (in my opinion): too long, too much detail, too many plot lines, too many characters. It got to the point where I couldn't keep any character straight, except for Skippy. It's like editors don't even edit anymore. When I realized I still had 500 pages to go and it was due back at the library in 3 days, I had to call it quits. I doubt I'll ever pick it up again.

Citizen Girl by Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus (fiction)

I put this book on my to-read list and then realized that it was written by the same women who wrote The Nanny Diaries, one of my most hated books of all time. So I took it back off.

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Oh no, I see a trend. I don't like fiction very much, do I?

Out and About: Zilker Park

Zilker Metropolitan Park

2100 Barton Springs Road

Zilker Park is often billed as Austin's most popular park and I can see why. It's totally awesome! We've been there twice now and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves each time. At 351 acres, there is quite a lot of park to explore.

The first time we went, the first weekend after our first full week here, we visited the Botanical Garden, which boasts a host of smaller gardens such as: the prehistoric garden, the rose garden, the Oriental garden, and much more! The Oriental garden in particular was gorgeous. Here's a picture:

We happened to be there on a gorgeous day and there was just something very magical about the botanical gardens. I'm sure we'll definitely be back. Hopefully we get to see the roses in bloom next time!

More recently, we went to the off-leash dog area near Rock Island to let our dog run around for a bit. Later, we put him back on the leash and took a stroll down part of the walking path that runs along Barton Springs and Lady Bird Lake. It was another gorgeous day. Here's a picture of downtown Austin as viewed from across Lady Bird Lake:

The one and only bad thing I have to say about this particular day is that the trail was VERY crowded. But I suppose that's to be expected at Austin's most popular park!

There's still a lot of Zilker Park that we haven't seen: the Austin Science & Nature Center, the Dino Pit, and the Umlauf Sculpture Garden, just to name a few. Nor have we completed the walk along the springs/river. And then there's the canoe rentals!

Needless to say, we'll be returning to Zilker Park again and again.

Out and About: Blanton Art Museum

Blanton Art Museum at the University of Texas

200 E MLK Blvd, Austin

Much to my delight, Blanton Museum of Art is FREE every Thursday. Come on, how awesome is that? In my experience, most museums have a free day once a month or so, but once a week? Very cool. Additionally, if you park in the garage across Brazos street and take your ticket inside to get validated, you pay only $3 for parking.

A lovely afternoon spent at the art museum for only $3? Sign me up! (As an aside, on the third Thurs. of every month, they extend their hours, so if you are a regular 9-5 working stiff, you still have the opportunity to take advantage of their free day.)

When the husband and I went last Thursday, the whole second floor was open for our enjoyment. The museum has a contemporary/modern wing and a classical wing. I must admit that neither of us are big fans of modern art. We're both of the opinion that if it looks like a 3-year-old did it, it's not really art.

However, I was very pleasantly surprised by their modern art section. While there was some of the type of art mentioned above, there was far more modern stuff that was actually very interesting. I particularly enjoyed a large, mixed-media piece that represented a small portion of the galaxy. There was also a phenomenal piece from an African artist made up of small strips of flattened beer cans. It was like a gigantic metal wave on the wall. Cool stuff.

I was sadly a touch disappointed by the classical wing. This was probably largely due to personal preference, though. Much of the art in the classical wing was portraiture from the 18th & 19th centuries, in particular with Christian religious themes. There's only so much of that I can look at without getting a trifle bored. I prefer landscapes and still-lifes.

This wing did also include several rooms of wonderful ink drawings, however. I was also delighted by a small section of Greek pottery. And I think my favorite display may have been the one of Greek coins that depicted each of their famous leaders.

Overall, we had a fantastic time. I could definitely see myself going back several times a year. I highly recommend it!

Out and About: Spider House

In a new city. I thought it might be fun to post some reflections on all the cool new places I'm checking out.

Last night I went out to a YA event hosted at my local UU church. After the event, a few of us went out for a drink at:

Spider House Patio Bar & Cafe

2908 Fruth Street

I really liked Spider House a lot. You can get a stiff drink there, in addition to coffee. They also have food (I noticed some vegan options). There is both indoor and outdoor seating. I enjoyed the overhead music - good beat, and not so loud that you couldn't talk to your table mates. The staff was very friendly and attentive.

I had their Coco Mocha, which was seriously delicious. I didn't ask if my table mates enjoyed their drinks, but I didn't see any full cups or glasses at the end of the night. The crowd was low key; most looked to be in their 20s or 30s. We stayed for 2 hours, had a fun conversation. All in all, it was a good night.

I highly recommend Spider House!