tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2074838946965393539.post5207167544218629131..comments2023-10-31T08:19:54.708-07:00Comments on Five by Five: On Loneliness: Friendships, Part 3balyienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13785839636620293326noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2074838946965393539.post-49090956466245726232014-02-28T11:22:12.177-08:002014-02-28T11:22:12.177-08:00Merinda - Thanks for sharing! I'm sorry that y...Merinda - Thanks for sharing! I'm sorry that your friend rejected you after you'd shared so deeply. It stings, doesn't it, and is so hard to move past. Perhaps people like you and me need to be more pushy, but I find it difficult to go against decades worth of learned behavior.<br /><br />Patricia - I too had that problem when I lived in Portland (and was part of the problem myself). Everyone was always "busy." I don't think it's exclusive to Portland, but was definitely worse there than anywhere else I've lived. I think there's a lot of pressure there to be very active. Also, I too am still considering whether I expect too much or am too picky about friendships. Or perhaps I don't appreciate what I have. They're certainly questions to continue bearing in mind.<br /><br />Jess - Of course, saying that it was a difficult time does not mean that no fun was had at all, and you were a large part of what was good about that year in Minnesota. I still tell people the story about getting stranded in Minneapolis and having to accept a ride from a Prince groupie, haha.<br /><br />The older I've gotten, the better I've become about accepting the bad times for what they are. There has been no time in my life that has been so dark that absolutely nothing good has come out of it. There have been valuable life lessons in everything, for sure.<br /><br />And I agree about re-growing old friendships. I've done that with a couple of old college friends in the last few years. It's been very gratifying. :)balyienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13785839636620293326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2074838946965393539.post-15952271458255215822014-02-28T00:26:17.908-08:002014-02-28T00:26:17.908-08:00What I am deeply hurt that you didn't enjoy ou...What I am deeply hurt that you didn't enjoy our many adventures into the twin cities while living in remote MN or SD ... we have always been vastly different, but I always had good times, and have tons of memories of those days and lots of fun times from college and the corps. It is funny how life moves and grows, and how easy it is to grow apart, but I also like to think it is just as easy to pick back up when you see each other again. I have grown out of touch with many old friends, and some I am sure I wouldn't recognize today, but I love the memories if I can remember them all, and this brought back some good ones even if we were alone a lot during those times right after college. I do think back to those times, and wonder what I was thinking, but I think I did a lot of growing that year too and maybe needed that alone time. Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13520194833767951496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2074838946965393539.post-12008099328180226012014-02-27T17:21:54.912-08:002014-02-27T17:21:54.912-08:00It seems I was experiencing the same thing you did...It seems I was experiencing the same thing you did, but in Massachusetts. And for me it was the last two years of college where that started. I transferred schools and it was so difficult to meet people. And I think I was projecting those needy vibes too, which compounded things. I eventually made friends and then after college, when I moved to Boston it was even harder to find friends. I still shudder thinking of that time.<br /><br />I wonder if we have been sold a bill of goods about true-blue friends? Or maybe we are just pickier? Something Karen Karbo wrote about Katherine Hepburn stuck with me. Hepburn had a life-long friend and Karbo noted that they sometimes got sick of each other and fought a lot, but they stayed friends, because that's what friends do. I think now, when people change, we aren't willing to put up with the differences anymore. Which is fine if you can find new friends, but it's something else if you can't.<br /><br />One thing I've noticed is that I have friends for different things. Some friends are the movie friends, some are the work friends, some are the writing friends, some are the gardening friends. I'm not sure why I've ghettoized them that way, but I have.<br /><br />I know that my problem with forming friendships is that everyone is so "busy." It's hard to get to do things with people because scheduling is so hard. And, like you, I don't like to push things too much, because I don't want to come off as needy.<br /><br />Good essay. Patriciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07967372439743853589noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2074838946965393539.post-254671861175441532014-02-25T21:27:11.167-08:002014-02-25T21:27:11.167-08:00Wow Jan this really hit home with me: "I’m ov...Wow Jan this really hit home with me: "I’m overly conscious of appearing needy or too eager to connect. I tend to be passive when forming friendships, to let the other person make the overt gestures. Because of this, I probably give off a vibe that I’m not as interested in most friendships as I actually am."<br />I, too, felt this way attempting to make friends at Kendall. I want so badly to make a few close connections but always hang back in fear of looking pushy and needy. On friend in particular, who I decided to open up to rejected me the day after a heart to heart in which I thought we both connecting.<br />Anyway, I want to say you're not alone in all of these feelings. I do think it is difficult for us non - joiners to make friends in general and frequently I hear adults in particular make this complaint. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18000798346901769330noreply@blogger.com